First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
