So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
