Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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