you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
