You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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