Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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