so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
