Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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