well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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