haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
