just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
