so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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