He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
