It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
