just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My ass is underappreciated
Success! We fucked roommates!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
