You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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