Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just cut my nipple shaving
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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