Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
