Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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