I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
