think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
