the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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