Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
