I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
handjob tips. give me some.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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