you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
