I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
