porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
