fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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