so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
