I think my vagina is haunted
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
