I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
