I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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