Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
