My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
