is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
