I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
