does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She swung at the pinata with crutches
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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