so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
