Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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