moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
did i walk over a car last night?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
