That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
