Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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