I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
