She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
