omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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