Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
