I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
