she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
