Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
