you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
