My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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