I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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