I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
God, I missed his penis.
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