dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
