I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
they need to just BURY HIM!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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