morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
